NEVER NEVER AGAIN – Missing Conferences #8

Posted: November 14, 2012 by HoarseMan in Aoneandatwo, D.P.D.O.
Tags: , , , , , , ,

OK did you notice that I intentionally skipped a few days since number nine? It’s what we, in the writing business, call building anticipation. In addition to the skipped time all three of the previous posts mentioned Jammies. That’s GOTTA be an anticipation builder. I’m not going to say right now that this is the post, but it might be.

There are some things to go over first.

A writers conference brings a lot of wonderful and exciting images to my mind, as I’m sure it does with you as well. OK so we’ve talked about the food (in #10) and luxury (in #9) what in the world do you suppose could possibly be next?

The agents? Editors? Famous authors? Not so famous author?

What about the Someday-Gonna-GET-THERE folks? After all isn’t getting there SOMEDAY a huge part of what these conference are all about? Damn BETCHA!

Being the nerd that I am I kind of worked through the following scenario. OK let’s say we have a conference like PPWC or Colorado Gold and – for the sake of easy math on an old brain – lets say there are 400 attendees. So, lets also assume that the conference is Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, with a special series of Masters Classes on Thursday. OK on Thursday, 100 attendees sign up for the Master Classes – but of the 100, 20 can’t attend the full conference while the remaining 80 do. Hmmm, the square root of Rhubarb Pi times, 80 times the speed of an Evelyn Wood superstar divided by the Cube Root of Ice, leaves a projected 5,320 AHCH 1 so far. Then on Friday another 320 people check in. Using the mathenometry we used before, that adds another 15,360 AHCH for a total of 20860.

Now, some of you out there think that this isn’t enough – and maybe five of you think it’s too much. I’m ignoring the 8.7 Billion who really couldn’t give a hoot. The main reason my mathenometry 3 and yours don’t match is likely that I also made sure to calculated in some sleepenometry 4 . Which reduces the AAABH 2 (25,160) by about 18%. Now we take these numbers and multiply the heart palpitations by the ounces of Hazenut latte added to the (ounces of chocolate martinis and Jose specials)^3, I figure about 68,933 conversations taking place. I’m going to take a minute and bold it.

Approximately 68,933 conversations taking place between conference open and conference close. Which means…..

The Conference is just like a Very Big Sleepover!

Leave me where I am, Im ‘tantum dormientes


1 AHHC – Accumulated Human Conference Hours

2 AAABH – Awake Alive And Breathing Hours

3 mathenometry – calulating stuff

4 sleepenometry – calculating how many hours you could sleep if you had the chance.

  1. I’m here…ready to have a pow wow in my jammies! Where is everyone? Well, even if no one shows up today, I look forward to seeing you all at the next conference I’ll be attending—-the June 2013 Crested Butte Writers annual. Actually, Ron, if I did my calculations right, I figured I alone will have 172 conversations over the course of the weekend. But I’m bound to have at least double that for this conference—-don’t you agree? YIKES! Starting today, I’m putting my vocal cords on a regimen of rest (no more shouting at the television on Sunday when the Buffalo Bills make bone-headed plays in the waning seconds of the game to lose) and lots of water to keep them lubricated.

  2. HoarseMan says:

    Lisa, yeah staying lubricated, it’s a help at conferences too. My mathenometry says your exactly right on the conversation estimates. I’m hoping I’ll be able to make at least a couple of cons this year. After so many years of heavy involvement this year’s relative solitude has been a challenge.

  3. Pat the last con I went off duty with some other writers into a hotel room with some whiskey. Wore Jammie’s and my glasses. 🙂

  4. fpdorchak says:

    Love the new mathenometry.

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